My dear pal, Tony Liu took some video of the last minute of my performance the other night. If you wanted to check it out, here’s the link:

I have this new thing now where I eat about 30 cough drops per day. It all stems from my pal Lionel who accidentally dropped an unopened pack in my car. I found it about a week later and said “screw it” and just popped one in my mouth for old time’s sake. It was delish…brought me back to my youth when I was home sick watching Price is Right and vomiting from the M*A*S*H theme song. Anyhow, now that I consider myself a “cough drop connoisseur” , I found these yesterday and have no plans of turning back!

So a couple months ago I was on my way to a meeting (I’m very busy and famous) when my manager sent me an email inquiring about a gig at Playhouse in Hollywood, CA. I was driving at the time so I was only able to glance at the date and location. Like the good driver I am (both hands on the iPhone and one knee on the steering wheel) I was able to write back a quick “sure I’m down”. I go to the meeting, have lunch, and shoot the shit for a bit. From there I get back in my car and decide to read the fine print of the email pertaining to the gig. Low and behold, it was for a DJ Battle that Redbull was throwing at Playhouse. Shit sandwich!

Now keep in mind, I’ve never been in a DJ battle in my entire 20 years as a disc jockey. As a matter of fact, I have hated competition in any form since I was a youth. I quit a baseball team one year because I didn’t have enough friends in my league. When my brother would beat me in Tecmo Bowl on the Nintendo I would cry. The list goes on.
So like the passive-aggressive lad I am, I quickly wrote my manager and tried to get out of the event by stating “at the age of 32 I feel somewhat accomplished and would prefer not to be entered into the competition” to which he responded “too late, I already confirmed with Redbull, it’s a good look for you” blah blah blah. I don’t want to make anyone look bad, so frustrated I hung up the phone. The event wasn’t for a few months, so I just sort of put it out of my head and moved on with my life.
As you get older, the months go by faster and faster. And last week I looked at my calendar (probably for another busy “meeting” I was scheduling) and realized that the event was 7 days away!! I called my pal DJR who is one of the best DJ’s in the world who is entered into the same event in Phoenix later in March. He told me he knew some of the DJ’s in my event that have been practicing for MONTHS, and here I am with 7 moons before show time with nothing planned. There were a couple days in the last week that I lost sleep over this battle, waking up in the middle of the night thinking about my set and what records I was going to play. I hate competition!
I contemplated conveniently “getting a fever” the day of the event and being a no-show, but that’s what little kids do. I committed to the event, so I had to come through. So on Monday of this week (three days ago), I took the day off from the studio to focus in on my set. I had my good buddy Skratchy come over to give me some guidance as he was in a similar battle the year before and could give me some pointers. For about two hours we went through music, sorted through ideas, ate a bunch of awesome shit at Weinershnitzel, and basically created the skeleton of what was going to be “my set”. The next day I took the day off from the studio as well (my partner Jason hates me) and made some edits of songs and started practicing the routine. At night I had another pal Tate LaRock come over to be the first viewer of the set. He couldn’t have been more monotone in his response of “it’s good…I like it”. He sounded like the male version of Vicky the Robot from TV’s Small Wonder. I knew that was a bad sign.
The morning of the battle (yesterday), I woke up practiced one time and then had Skratchy come back over to see the final product. I was sloppy here and there, but overall I think he was impressed. I went to watch some Judge Judy before practicing again (keep in mind the set is 15 minutes long and isn’t very fun to practice over and over). From there I practiced one mo’ ‘gain until another battle master, DJ Turbulence came over to be part of my entourage for the night. I performed for him (he was stoned) and he seemed to dig it. The DJ Ever-Ed-E came through played for him before we had to jump in the car and head to the venue.
I was convinced that my set was good enough to not be in last place, but definitely wouldn’t be the winner. Which isn’t that great of an attitude, but isn’t that abnormal for someone who hates competition. However, I thought to myself “if I’m going to lose I may as well lose in style”, so I proceeded to wear one of my favorite “Bar Mitvah/Bob Barker suits” that I buy from the local thrift shop called “It’s A Wrap”. I greased up my hair like Marty McFly and jumped in the car and headed to Playhouse.
When we arrived (after 30 minutes of LA traffic and a Weinershnitzel stop), I was more nervous than ever. We had to do a Redbull photo shoot and interview which I was pretty good at from all my media experience when I used to be famous (yeah, I said it!).
But I hadn’t met most of the DJ’s before and from the research I did on everyone, they all seemed really good. The doors opened, and a lot of my friends showed up. Pals from high school, college, local clubs, other DJ’s all showed up to support which felt great. They also all wanted to drink, but I felt like that could be bad as I didn’t want to be a hobo on stage. I resisted until about 9:15 then had a shot of tequila with my pal Derrick and got a cup of Grey Goose Pair (best shit ever) and proceeded to the DJ VIP area.
The battle starts with Eric Deluxe making a dedication to DJ AM, announcing the battle, and introducing the first (and most feared DJ in my opinion) DJ Fashen. He got up and KILLED IT! I’m now shaking in my boots and close to pooping in my panties! After him, the infamous Mike B (he I always heard of in LA, but never got to witness with my own eyes) went on and played one of the illest sets I ever heard! Great…now I have to go on. At this point, I knew I was done for and just decided to go up and have a good time. I saw my pals in the crowd and decided to just focus in on them and have a good time.
To my surprise, my set was flawless, I could see people moving and heard people singing the songs I decided to play. It couldn’t have gone any better! After I was done, the crowd chanted my name like i was Sean Aston in big screen’s “Rudy”. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I walked off the stage and people were coming up to me congratulating me like I had already won. It was weird. It kind of sucked because from that point on I got a little cocky. I drank some more vodka, hung with some of my friends that came to see me, then went back to the DJ area to watch the rest of the show. All the DJ’s did awesomely – big ups to DJ Hoff, Dirty Dave, DJ Prophet, DJ Politik, Fashen, Mike B, and Morse Code.
So now that I’m getting a little cocky (and drunk), I head inside the crowd to hang with my friends and watch the last performer Morse Code go on. He, like Fashen, has a very big reputation in the DJ community, but I have never seen him play before. It was unreal…he did things I had never seen/heard before. My bubble of confidence was quickly deflated.
After Morse Code’s set the host called us up to the stage. I looked like a drunk after a fraternity party – my button-up shirt wide open, tie around my head, suit jacket flailing and my hair, a lion’s mane!
3rd place…Politik!
2nd place…ME
1st place…Morse Code!

I can’t say I wasn’t a little disappointed even though I came in hoping for 6th place. But Morse Code definitely deserved it. I feel like Fashen should have been somewhere in there, but what can you do.
That’s my story…hope you liked it. Here’s a shot of me on stage. Thanks to Lazo for the photo.

Thanks for reading,
- Disc Jockey Cheapshot